"That Nasty Bug. That's the only thing I'll kill." My wife is expounding her views on the stink bugs that have plagued the east coast now for several months. Literally everyone has them in their house and we have one on the TV. She says this, but it's always me who has to dispatch the poor little creatures.
Visit the wife
"You want more Goldfish?" I ask the Bunny, as I point to the empty papel towel which only moments before was piled with Goldfish. "They all swam away.." She laughs out loud.
Meet the wife
"Did you hear that? And you wonder why I'm half crazy all the time." My wife and I are sitting in the office. She is on hold with Blue Cross Blue Satan. We are listening to endless commericals about sleep apnea, how they'll be right with us, and how they give to the community. "I don't want them to give to the community! I want them to lower my rates! These people have more money than dirt!"
Meet the wife
"Great movie." The Bunny is making a comment about Altered States. We've been on a kick recently, watching it three or four times in as many months."It's a great movie." She continues, "It only took me twenty years to understand it."
Meet the wife
My wife is puttering in the ktichen. I'm watching the Tsuami coverage waiting for something to happen. "I don't trust the press. They try to make something out nothing, and nothing out of something."
Meet the wife
We're in the office finishing up the most recent book. "What do you think about these, they're a little strange..." Cynthia is looking at shoes on Amazon. The Bunny had just taken a tumble on the ice breaking a the heal of her favorite shoes. "Don't buy something just because you have..." I start. "Shoe remorse?" she replies.
Meet the wife
My wife walks out of her office after doing a hypnosis session with a client. "It blows me away what sticks with people. I'm going on about spirituality, using big metaphors, and you know what sticks in her head?" "What?" I ask. "Plant a tomato, get a tomato."
Meet the wife
"You know that Mexican coke you bought?"my wife intones. "Yes, they keep their fizz over night" I reply. She continues, "American cokes lose their fizz too fast. I think it's so we have to open a new one to get more fizz. I think it's a plot."
Meet the wife
I woke up this morning to my wife singing "Celebrate" by Kool and the Gang while wearing a hat she made made out of tin foil. I gave her a goofy Vday card with a duck.
Meet the wife
There's tin foil hanging on the wall. We've had some roof leaks after the snowpacalype. I've channeled the drips into buckets using an ingenious combination of Reynolds tin foil and scotch tape.
My wife grabs some water bottles that have accumulated on the nightstand. "What do you think, we're in the movie Signs here? We have like six bottles of water up here..."
"And tin foil," I respond. "We could make hats."
She walks off, Sonic toothbrush whizzing away in her mouth, "Swing away Merrill...Swing away..."
Meet the wife
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