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10 WAYS BLOG - Why do you have criticizing people in your life?

You have criticizing people in your life because you write them into your life.

As the playwright, director and producer of your life story, you write criticism into your stage play. Then you put out a casting call for the part.  The characters in your life are the characters that have answered your casting call.

Anyone who is critical in your life is someone you have put there to play the part and even though these characters are outside of you, it’s important to remember that all criticism is self-criticism. 

So how do you write these people out of your life story?

First you must take ownership of your present life story by understanding how you wrote it. Then you can introduce a new character to positively help you.

The tools you write your life story with are not words, but instead your thoughts, emotions, meanings and responses.  And the external characters you use to reinforce them.

You create your story by experiencing a circumstance, having a thought about the circumstance, creating emotions about these thoughts, letting that give meaning to the circumstance, then completing the circle by responding to the circumstance, through the meaning you given it.

For example, you start a new job and one evening you attend a company function where you don’t know anyone. Already you are a little uncomfortable. You forgot your nice shoes and you’re wearing your “comfortable” normally under-the-desk shoes. You see someone glance at you, then down at your shoes. They make a face.  

You instantly think that they are criticizing you and you start to get more uncomfortable, which adds to your tension about being at the function to begin with. Suddenly everyone seems to be looking at your and your shoes.

It happens with lightning speed.

Sometimes the criticizer is real and sometimes they are not real, but the feeling you have is always self-generated.

You experience something, have a thought about it, turn it into a feeling then assign that meaning to the entire situation – and then respond accordingly.

That is what your life story is composed of: circumstances, thoughts & emotions, meanings & responses. An unending circle reinforced by characters you have cast in your life story.

By understanding the structure of how your life story is created, you can realize that what you are thinking has a cascading effect on your emotions, meanings, and responses. 

The best way to short-circuit this circle and to create new thoughts and outcomes is by writing in a new character into your play - your Objective Viewer.

Your Objective Viewer is the part of your self that sees things objectively, always available, patiently waiting for his / her turn to be put in the play.  It is the part of yourself that answers the questions you ask of it in an objective, honest and open way.

The next time you have an external character delivering what you think is a criticism performance, stop and remember you are the playwright, director and producer of your life.

From this position of ownership take a moment to solicit your Objective Viewer and let him/her look objectively at the situation and ask, “What am I saying to myself by responding to this supposedly critical person? What positive intent do I have for myself in this event?”          

Then close your eyes, take a moment and see yourself sitting in the audience of your life. The answer will come to you and it will be simple.

“Well I did this to avoid blah or I did this to stay blah.”

Now you have the secret thought behind the thoughts, emotions and meaning that drives your responses. This will allow you to write a new response for your critical characters in your life story.

Solicit your Objective Viewer often. By seeing things through your Objective Viewer’s eyes, you will no longer have to cast the part of the criticizer in your life story.

 

 

This article has been featured on Truthfairytv.com and Slimmer Tommorrow.

 

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