Archive for
February 2010
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My wife is puttering in the ktichen. I'm watching the Tsuami coverage waiting for something to happen. "I don't trust the press. They try to make something out nothing, and nothing out of something."
Meet the wife
We're in the office finishing up the most recent book. "What do you think about these, they're a little strange..." Cynthia is looking at shoes on Amazon. The Bunny had just taken a tumble on the ice breaking the heal of her favorite shoes. "Don't buy something just because you have..." I start. "Shoe remorse?" she replies.
Meet the wife
My wife walks out of her office after doing a hypnosis session with a client. "It blows me away what sticks with people. I'm going on about spirituality, using big metaphors, and you know what sticks in her head?" "What?" I ask. "Plant a tomato, get a tomato."
Meet the wife
"You know that Mexican coke you bought?"my wife intones. "Yes, they keep their fizz over night" I reply. She continues, "American cokes lose their fizz too fast. I think it's so we have to open a new one to get more fizz. I think it's a plot."
Meet the wife
I woke up this morning to my wife singing "Celebrate" by Kool and the Gang while wearing a hat she made made out of tin foil. I gave her a goofy Vday card with a duck.
Meet the wife
There's tin foil hanging on the wall. We've had some roof leaks after the snowpacalype. I've channeled the drips into buckets using an ingenious combination of Reynolds tin foil and scotch tape.
My wife grabs some water bottles that have accumulated on the nightstand. "What do you think, we're in the movie Signs here? We have like six bottles of water up here..."
"And tin foil," I respond. "We could make hats."
She walks off, Sonic toothbrush whizzing away in her mouth, "Swing away Merrill...Swing away..."
Meet the wife
"I think I like squirrels because they are so polite," my wife explains. She's expounding on her animal husbandry philosophy as she feeds her herd of squirrels peanuts in the morning. "They just stand there with their little hands folded patiently waiting. Dogs jump, cats whine, squirrels are so polite. I like them."
"That movie should have sub-titles" says my wife. "You can't understand a thing he says." When she makes this comment, I know it's code for me to speak more loudly and clearly.
My wife and I, like all couples, have developed some serious shorthand in communicating. We have a running joke about Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain, and the quasi-guttaral mumble that qualified as dialogue throughout the movie. We call him, the "hashusmsheumsshumssshmm" man.
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